Know Yourself, Accept Yourself, Maintain Yourself

A quick review of the film Nymphomaniac.

Life is a journey of knowing yourself, accepting yourself, and maintaining yourself. None of the three steps is easy to achieve. Many people stopped before even reaching their first stage. They do not truely know about themselves. To avoid a third-person effect, I would say this includes me.

The extremely controversial theme nymphomaniac is the origin of human desire as listed by the Book and Freud's theories. It is a great choice of morality challenge, not just to society, but also to individual identities. 

There is a great line by the main character Joe: "Many people don't even know who they are." The society sets rules from moral authorities and the mass majority just follow the rules. It seems that there is no such need for them to know who they are. Indeed, without knowing themselves, many people could live a happy, secured, and peaceful life. Instead, knowing who they are is the start of differentiation between self and other, and between individual and society. It is the start of being marginalized by soiety and it is the start of the feeling of loneliness.Knowing who you are is a very dangerous and misearable experience. But as the director suggested, it's worth the pain.

The first half volume of the film is the history of the self-exploration of Joe. She is such a highly sensitive person and she knows that from a really early age. Then, she couldn't stop from further exploration, even many crazy and advanteous experiences and experiments are involved. She has literally had sex with hundreds of men. From this reckless experience, she realizes her unique feature of nymphomaniac and her special sense of men. She loses herself when her father dies. It is the first time she masses up love with desire. Then she meets her husband Jerome and for the first time she loses her organism. This is not suprising, as it is the continuation of her sense of loss.

To clear up everything she has tried more new and dangerous things, which is not understood and accepted by people, including her husband. The sex-addict group experience eventually makes her regain her identity and makes she realize that it is the uniqueness of her identity that makes her different from others and shinning. She can bravely stand up in front of others and proudly says: "I know I am different from all of you." Then she burns a car in front of a church. What a great female empowerment moment! 

She reaches her second stage, the stage of self-acceptance.It is a stage after knowing yourself, knowing all your advantages, uniqueness, and weakness, and you say to yourself, it's ok, and I love myself. I am proud of the advantages within my uniqueness and I do not think my uniqueness is shameful. Even if I still yet do not know what to do with my weakness, it is ok. It is a truely peaceful mind of being who you are, regardless of judgments from others and society.

And she moves on. She is shinning again finding a job, which allows her to take advantage of her unique features. She knows men, she knows how to hunt them and their weakness deeply inside their human nature. She knows how to find their original desire. However, such success doesn't last long because her own weakness is exposed to someone else.

After all, she is a lonely woman. She wants love and care from someone. The girl named P fulfilled her desire. But she hurts her eventually, with her ex-husband Jerome. It is a betrayl and it is a great lesson for Joe.

She realizes, love is not something premier than sex. Love and sex are just twins. In our society, we often overly appreciate love but depreciate sex. They are actually the same type of things: the desires coming out of the weakness of human nature. Here the love that I mention is just the love between partners, not ego or universal love. Such love is just two people with different parts of weakness fulfilling each other. It is not two similar or like-minded people being together. For most ordinary people, such love is good enough for them to lead a good life. But such love cannot fulfill a person in a premier identity stage, such as Joe.

The next stage ahead is the maintanence of yourself. Is it possible to break the boundary of social identities? Is it acceptable and sustainable? These are great questions which cannot be answered by anyone, including the director. His answer is a bit disappointing at first. After a night-long conversation with a so-called asexual man, she thinks that she finds her real friend. However, this man sleds into her bedroom and tries to have sex with her when she is asleep, followed by a careless whisper: "You... You've been f***ed by thousands of men..." This is a great irony for people with unique identities and the rest others. Even if someone reaches their first two stages, they still want to be accepted by the major society, at least one or two people there. However, disappointingly, this can never happen. No one would truely understand another human being. This is the answer given by the director. Followed by that, is a sharp gun shot. A stronger response than a slap on the face. 

Clearly, the director couldn't answer the last question. He leaves it to us to explore the answer.

Another interesting blog by someone else (Chinese): http://movie.mtime.com/154455/reviews/7880393.html

My Scar Of Ignorance #MH370

There is something inside my heart, like a scar, which causes me pain from time to time. Whenever bad memories come, great pain just hits my chest and I can hardly breathe.

From the top three percent of the entire Chinese population, I decided to step out of my comfort zone to experience a different society. That is why I came as an international student. In other words, I turned myself from a social majority into a minority.

Friendship. That is what human beings need when they live in a completely strange environment. In my imagination, I should have a diverse group of friends. White, for sure, also black, Chinese, people from Europe, Africa and Latin America; we hang out with each other, talk about our hometown, and teach each other foreign languages.

It really surprised me that is not how reality works. I saw African Americans hang out with African Americans, Indians stay with Indians, Latinos group with Latinos, and Asians are  chilling with Asians, mostly. Even within Asians, there’re Asian American group, Korean group, and Chinese group. For white people, some of them try to be nice to foreigners, but they are not curious enough to learn things outside their circles.

Strange things might happen if someone crosses the lines. I felt that when I walked across the campus parties held by African Americans. People had distant looks and stepped away from me. Even for me, I felt a little awkward to stay.

Of course, we came from different #cultural backgrounds; we have diverse lifestyles, hobbies and ways to have fun.

I didn’t experience anything really, really strange on campus. People over there are all well-educated and decent. I do have an unpleasant experience when I took a major domestic #airline from Chicago to Washington, DC. The air attendant refused to help me put my suitcase up to the shelf, but was extremely nice to the other domestic passengers. I wish I was over-reacting to it.

But this doesn’t really hurt me. It was two years ago when I took the plane with my mom. Our seats were two rows’ apart, and she sat in front with an Indian man. The man asked to change seat with her so he could seat closer to his family on the other side of the row. My mother said that she cannot change seat with him, unless he changes seat with me. Because she doesn’t speak English well, I should seat closer to help her order drink and snacks; while for Indians, English is their first language and they have no trouble doing that. A senior, decent-looking African American lady said to my mom: “You should change seat with him, they are a family.” My mother pointed at me and said: “We are a family, too!” When the lady wanted to speak again, my mother said that her English was bad and told the lady: “Don’t talk to me, I won’t understand.” Then a white lady behind the African American lady told her “you should hit her on her head,” and both of them began to giggle loudly in a malicious way. I finally switched seat with a gentleman sitting in front of me, but we were still separated by an aisle. When the plane just landed, the African American lady stood up before me in the aisle (no one else stood up at that point), intentionally broke me and my mom apart, and let the entire Indian family (there were four of them) leave before her. When my mom tried to pull out our suitcase from the upper shelf in the front, that white lady mocked again: “Oh, she’s having trouble now, someone help her?” And there were giggles again.

Several minutes later, I had to pass the African American lady and the Indian family to catch up with my mom.

This thing hurts me so much that I cannot even breathe whenever I have thought of it. If it was me, I wouldn’t be so hurt. It is because it was my mom and I just didn’t help her. Maybe I should have stood up to stop them arguing; maybe I should have slapped the ugly-looking faces of those giggling women. But I chose to do nothing. I hate myself for being so shy and useless to protect my mom. This is like a great slam to my self-esteem and I cannot face my mom even now. And apparently, in order to maintain their self-esteems, those ladies revenged in a rude and malicious way like teenagers, which has completely ignored the self-esteem of another woman for watching her mother being bullied in public. Everyone is saying “all men are created equal,” but how about their self-esteems?

I also feel sad. I thought that understanding #diversity is no longer an issue in most part of this country, and #minorities are getting increasingly respected. But that black lady behaved in such an indecent manner just because my mom unintentionally showed a little disrespect to her. I can smell the unfriendly air towards the new immigrants (but we are not); I am still sad about her. In this society, people treat each other nicely only when they are respected appropriately. Once they are not treated that well, they tend to become furious of being ignored of their so-important self-esteem and over react to get the loss back. What makes things even funnier is the white lady’s “teamwork” in an effort to separate “us” from “them,” as if those “annoying foreigners (or perhaps Chinese)” should be their enemies, whom they should giggle together against. And this is me, as a Chinese, cannot do anything with.

Things resonate with me again today. Two of my American classmates discussed the#CNN coverage of the disappeared plane, MH370, with over 150 Chinese passengers, including two infants. In front of me, they said: “I understand that this is a terrible story, but why do they cover it every day since no one would care?”

Pains came out from my scar again, but I didn’t say anything, again, because I didn’t know what to say. I believe they have completely ignored the lost lives. Not just as a Chinese, but also as a frequent flyer myself, I have spent thousands of miles over Pacific Ocean. I was extremely thrilled at the news. I can even feel the pains on those passengers when the plane crashes. I couldn’t fall asleep and I followed the news day and night. And now they are saying “no one would care.”

A recent US report complains that Chinese government didn’t corporate well so that they have missed the best time to find the plane. It has completely ignored the fact that China is the only country that has put all efforts on the search and rescue throughout the past month.

I do not want to criticize them. I just want to say that there is way too much ignorance in this world, more than you could even imagine.  Even if you want to fight against, it just physically exists. And I can now clearly see some of them from the perspective of a social minority.

I wish there is one day when people can treat each other in the same way across all identities, race, gender, or nationality. Everyone talks to each other and helps each other out. And even there is one day, no identity, only humanity.

WINNIE

Author: Winnie Y. Wu is an enthusiastic international journalist, media researcher, and digital media specialist. Graduated in University of Wisconsin-Madison and Syracuse University, she is particularly interested in social media and identity issues, social advocacy, humanity, and public relations. She had conducted an HIV awareness campaign here. Mocha Drinker, documentary fan & traveler. Always passionate to write & think globe.

Connect with her on Twitter: @Winnietph

Facebook | About.me | Tumblr | Pinterest